"I don't want to be the princess.. I just need one pers0n.. Someone who will l0ve me and only think of me.. Someone who'll die with me when I die.. Someone who'll bec0me sad with me when I'm sad.. Someone who'll cry with me and laugh 0,5 seconds before me.. I want someone who can cheer me up.."

“As I think about the past,
the tears will come out.
Reality is too cruel, too brutal.
I don’t even have the right to dream.
As I think about the future,
the tears will come out again.”

let me be the one (lyrics)

Somebody told me you were leavin’
I didn’t know
Somebody told me you’re unhappy
But it doesn’t show
Somebody told me that you don’t want me no more
So you’re walkin’ out the door
Nobody told me you’ve been cryin’
Every night
Nobody told me you’d been dyin’
But didn’t want to fight
Nobody told me that you fell out of love from me
So I’m settin’ you free

[Ref:]
Let me be the one to break it up
So you won’t have to make excuses
We don’t need to find a set up where
Someone wins and someone loses
We just have to say our love was true
But has now become a lie
So I’m tellin’ you I love you one last time
And goodbye
Somebody told me you still loved me
Don’t know why
Nobody told me that you only
Needed time to fly
Somebody told me that you want to come back when
Our love is real again

Just turn around and walk away
You don’t have to live like this
But if you love me still then stay
Don’t keep me waiting for that final kiss
We can work together through this test
Or we can work through it apart
I just need to get this off my chest
That you will always have my heart

-neh"

love.??

Love begins with smile.... grows with a kiss ... and ends with teardrops...

"you're the one who broke my heart.. . you're the reason why my world feel apart.. .
...you're the one who made me cry... yet., I'm so in love  with you......
and I don't know why.. .

Sometimes.,the memories are worth the pain... sometimes you should hold your head up high.,blend away the tears and say Goodbye...I made a choice to finally let go... . because I can't stand the pain.. .
It's time for my last tears to fall and smile again.. .
I cried today.., not because I miss you or even wanted you...
It's because... I realized ... I'm gonna be alright without you ...
A billion words can't bring you back... .

"relationship are like a glass... sometimes it's better to leave them broken..
than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.. .

trying to forget someone is like trying to remember someone you never knew..

i hate my heart for loving you..

-neh"

Giving all your love to someone is never an assurance
that they love you back... .
some people are just not meant to be in your life...
.no matter how much you want them to be...
you hug him goodbye like it's nothing...
while all you want to do is hold on forever...
I used to smile when I told people that you were mine...
but now.., I can't even smile and say your name at the same time...
As much as I love you.. . I have to say goodbye.. .
coz I know you would be happier if I let you go..
. I'm really sorry for the things I made you cry.. . I'm sorry if tears fell from your eyes.. .
missing you   is not the hardest part.. . knowing I once had you.., is what breaks my heart....
I'll never forget the times we once shared.., and I'll always remember how much you once cared..

but now., it's over... it's time to move on..

-neh"

goodbye..

I guess if you're done breaking my heart., I should go.......
as I started to look in your eyes..you asked me why I was about to cry.. .
co'z I knew you're going to say goodbye.
why can't you see how much you hurt me this time... .?
you used to say you were sorry .., now you don't.. . you don't care anymore... .
I never hated you for not loving me... . but I hate you... for making me fall even more when I'm trying to let you go.. I never show you how broken I am inside...every night I let the tears flow and I always ask myself... .
"why I can't let you go.?" I've said goodbye so many times before... . but all roads lead me back to you... .
I always wish that someday I can forget you... . all about you.. .
and always hoping that our roads will never cross again... . co'z I don't wanna feel this hurt once again... .

I'm tired crying every night...
honestly., I still love you... .but..,I have to let you go...dealing with the fact that you can never be mine....but then., I am thankful for having the opportunity to loved and cared for you.. . .

Good Bye..!


-neh"
November 27,2010

sana.. .

ito'y buong puso ko isinulat para sayo.. .

sa kabila ng masakit na katotohanan... na kahit kailan ay hindi mo malalaman... na ikaw mismo an tinutukoy ko sa liham na ito...

      alam mo ba.. .kahit hindi ka magsalita.,buo na araw ko na nasa tabi lang kita...

sana mabanggit mo minsan... na naging masaya ka dahil ako ang iyong kasama... .

handa ako ipagsigawan sa buong mundo... ang tunay ko nararamdaman para sa iyo...

at alam ko., kahit nun mga panahon na ikaw ay nasa tabi ko pa...hindi mo man lang narinig ang tibok nitong puso ko... ang puso ko na nanghihina kakasigaw sa pangalan mo...

  sa kabila ng kirot at sakit dito sa puso ko na dulot ng sobrang pagmamahal ko sayo... ay ikaw pa rin magpa-hanggang ngayon ang dahilan kung bakit tumitibok pa ito... .

    pag-masdan mo ang luha ko, para maunawaan mo ang totoong laman ng aking puso.,at ng maramdaman mo ang pag-mamahal ko sa iyo..na nakakubli sa bawat pagpatak nito.. hindi ko magawang ilihim ang pananabik sayo... ang maging bahagi sa bawat daang nilalakbay mo...ngunit bakit ganito.??

hindi ko maihakbang ang mga paa ko papalayo sayo.. .

   wala na akong lakas pa.. .hindi ko na kaya itago ang luha sa aking mga mata..at hindi ko na rin kayang pigilan pa...ang ngiting unti-unti na rin nawawala... hindi ko na hihilingin na ibsan mo ang aking kalungkutan... bigyan mu lang ako ng pag-asa.....na balang araw ay makakalimutan din kita... na isang araw...mawawala ka na tin sa isip ko.. . at tuluyan ka na maglalaho sa loob ng puso ko....

sana maintindihan nitong aking isipan...na kailanman....

ay hindi mo mgagawang tandaan...,ang mahahalagang bagay na hindi ko kayang kalimutan...

at sana matanggap nitong aking puso ang katotohanan na magiging masaya ka...

kung wala ako sa buhay mo..        

-neh"

 I tried to fight it.. . but I'd rather give in.. .

through all this hurt.. . 

wondering what could have been..?

when I'd wish I could tiptoe

out of this hiding and pretending.. .

and finally put an end to this endless waiting.. .

See, I've lost my self in this love.. 

 when I've tried walking away.. but I can't.

when I've done everything I could, loving you.

when I've chosen what I want and need.. .
but wondering where this will lead..

I let rivers of tears fall from eyes

cried over everything, the truth and lies

when I wipe away the tears off my face.,

and embrace these feelings I can't erase

I hope to God that one day.,

in true love you'll see and that someday...

finally..,

you'll choose to be with me.. .

-neh."

tinkerbell & taz manian devil."

...simple lang yan... parang silang dalawa... never sila magkakasalubong..,kasi si tinkerbell ay isang fairy from disney na nkatira sa never never land.. at si taz sa looney tunes...hindi sila bagay..right.?? imagine.?? kung magiging sila..hinding hindi sila magkakasundo....magkaiba sila ng kinalakihang mundo..magkaibang bagay ang gusto nila...at hinding hindi nman talaga pwede maging sila...parang yun love namin...hinding hindi kami nagkaintindihan sa anumang bagay dahil magkaiba kami ng gusto...He can never accept who really I am...at yun yung part na pinakamasakit...

...si tinkerbell at taz ay hindi para sa isa't isa.. ='(


ganyan talaga ang buhay...kahit ayaw mo o sobrang sakit para gawin...dumadating pa rin yun time na kailangan mo na siyang bitiwan...dahil iyon ang tama..


bakit nga ba kung sino pa yung mahal na mahal mo...ay siya pa ang magbibigay ng sobrang sakit sa iyo.."




November 22, 2010
neh"

=(

     Dito nagsimula ang isang walang kwentang pagmamahal... dito kun san kame nag-usap nun araw na ayaw na nya umasa...Akala ko dun na magtatapos ang lahat... hindi ko inaasahan na yun araw ding yun magsisimula ang isang relationship na sobra sobra ko pinahalagahan...iningatan...pero mawawala lang din pala...at magiging isang basura na lang para sa kanya....

     November 16,2010..wala na talagang pag-asa...sinubukan ko magsimula ng bagong buhay..,buhay na wala sya...every 5am...andito ako...naghihintay sa pagsikat ng araw...ito kasi yun isang bagay na nakakapagpagaan ng kalooban ko...

     "bagong araw...bagong pag-asa..."
     ...na pagkatapos ng dilim...muling dadating ang liwanag... unti-unti sumisikat ang isang bagong pag-asa para sa lahat... sinasabi din nito na hindi ako dapat sumuko... dahil mas madami pang dadating na bagay higit pa sa mga nawala saken... at sa unti-unting pagtaas ng araw..ay ang muling pagtaas ng bagong pangarap..."

pero sa tuwing nasasaktan ako...dito pa rin ako tumatakbo... pag gusto ko mapag-isa... pinagmamasdan ko at pinakikinggan ang hampas ng alon sa tabing dagat... kasabay ang pagpatak ng luha... na nagdadala ng lahat ng sakit at galit dito sa puso ko... sa kanya ko binubuhos lahat ng sakit at galit na nararamdaman ko... pakiramdam ko kasi sinasagot ako ng dagat....dinadamayan... ramdam ko ang galit ng hampas ng alon...at patungo sa kabilang pampang...,dinadala nya dun palayo lahat ng problema ko...lahat ng bagay na nkakapagpabigat sa kalooban ko...

     dito lang ako... palagi lang dito... kasi ang araw at dagat hindi marunong mang-iwan...kahit ilan beses ko sila masaktan.,hindi sila marunong mang-iwan... kahit iwan ko sila sa panahong masaya ako...pag nabigo ako...andito pa rin sila...handa ako tanggapin at muling damayan... dito na lang ako....


November 21, 2010
12:05nn

neh"

here i am again..again.. . .and again.. .

... . . sadness came.. . . .


      I thought I can forget you.. . . day passed by.. . . and now., my emotions are going crazy.. . . I always remember you.. every where I go.. . no matter what I do.. . aaAhH.!!! i hate this.!!!

     Pretending is one of the most stupid thing I always do.. . . but., I'm tired.. . . so tired to pretend that everything is ok.. . . that I'm happy without him.. . . because I'm not.. . .

     In reality..,every thing kills me.. . . .

     but life must go on.. . . I need to escape my depression.. . . to continue breathing... . and get back my strength.. . . ...... to love again.. . ......


-neh."

how.??

 I can't believe what I just heard.. . .
could it be true.?? Are you the guy I thought I knew.. . . the one who promise me his love.. . .
where did it go.?? does anybody ever know.?? how do you heal a broken heart that feels like it will never beat this much again.. . . I just can't let go.. . .
Tonight..,I'll hold what could be right.. . .tomorrow I pretend to let you go.. . . and were you ever what you seemed.. . . or was I'm a fool who fell in love with your own dream.. . . and now., you say., you want to leave.. . . start your new life today.. . . those words I thought you'd never say.. . .
tomorrow i'll pretend to find and put it all behind me.. . . wake and find i have finally find in my soul.. . . and find that I know how to let you go.. . .



Sometimes in our lives... unexpected things happens and I agree with that... base on my own experience...
till now.,I ask myself... .
..how can I heal my broken heart.?? i don't know.. . . ='(


-neh"

he's gone...

 

      
  you'll never know what you have until you lose it... and once you lose it ... you can never get it back...  
    .. . . There's nothing permanent in this life.. . One day he's mine... . but now.., he's gone... .

          hmm.. . it hurts to lost someone that you really love.. . . so.., appreciate everything that you have in your life.. . . before its to late to realize that you lost the very important thing or person that you have in your life.. . .

         In the world of LOVE.. . . I've learned that sweet words are not promises.. . . and promises are not contracts.. . . the word FOREVER is not true.. .. That there's nothing permanent in this world.. . . everything will changed and gone.. . .

        Letting go has never been easy.. . . but.., I have to.. . . co'z I'm so tired waiting for nothing.. . . I cried every time I remember him.. . . sometimes sad .. . . but I'm still hoping that one day.. . . I'll be fine.. . . LOve is so unfair.!! and definitely.. . . unpredictable..!!. . .

       Now., he's gone.. . . I'll do anything.. . . just to forget him.. . .


      HATE LOVE.. . . .


-Neh.."

i'm still hoping and waiting....

...i miss you..,
....i miss us...
.....someday I'll be able to say this to you without tears in my eyes..
i long for your love and care since was mine..but all i have are memories now...sweet memories that i keep on trying to forget...because as much as it makes me happy to reminisce about it..,the thought that our love is nothing but a memory that now kills me....We said goodbye several times already...yet,we always end up taking it back...I thought this is just one of those goodbyes....are you ever gonna take it back.??
......more days of waiting have passed, (since Oct.29,2010) and i still haven't heard anything from you..i promise you that I'll be okay when we part ways....that I'll move on and be happy....If only i could, I would have let go of you the first time we broke up....If i can have you back again, I'll undo the things that make you away....but it can't be undone....We had no other choice but to part....and be strangers to each other....Just so you know I'm mad.., i forgive you....never will hate you.....not even in our million fights.....Since you've been gone...,I've been trying to hide the emptiness and misery.....I always wear a happy mask and act that i don't care and i don't need you....but the reality is...I'm deep anguish...I'm done pretending.! ...I'm dine diverting.! i can't deny any longer.....if you're here beside me....you'll hear my heart strongly beating for you...please come back..........and give the strength to breathe again...i love you joh....you're everything in my life...my guiding star that keeps me to the right path...you're my one and only love...,always and forever....It will never fade...,instead it grows stronger every second that you're away.....I will never stop waiting....till I hear you say....."can we start over again.??"
.......Till you accept me for who I am and who I'm not.....I wont expect too much...,I won't expect that I'll be your life.....just make me a part of it...,that's more than enough........I will not demand that you love me the way i love you.....just love me the way your heart can....You don't have to treat me like a princess this time...let me be the one to regard you as a prince....I may not be the girl of your dreams...,I may be far from being your ideal girl.....but I'm the one who loves you so much... despite of your imperfections....i love you so much joh....these are the words that i wanted to say to you from the moment you said goodbye......but i know how much you yearn your freedom.....so i decided to let you walk away.......I'll let you go for now..,hoping someday.....or one day.....you'll come back again...because i think you're worth every second of waiting....

-neh"

saddest day of my life....

..It was October  29, 2010...a day kung kelan last kame ngkita at ngkasama... I was so happy that day with him...exactly 8am...nagpunta kame ng church....ang saya ko talaga...walking together...asaran....kulitan.....pareho pa nga kame may sakit nun e...lagnat sya .ako naman..,headache...but..every time I was with him...ok ako...nakalimutan ko na nga na me sakit ako e..,basta ang alam ko masaya ako.......sabay pa kame kumain ng lunch...sya pa nag-prepare ng food ko.. .but..,after namin kumain....gusto na daw nya umuwi.......hindi na daw nya kasi kaya........I can't explain kung bakit ayaw ko pa sya umuwi....all i know that time is maglakad ng maglakad kahit saan kasama sya....hindi ko sya pinauwi....Nagpasama pa ko sa isang store...hmm....hindi naman sya nagdalawang-isip na samahan ako.....pero..,hindi pa rin ako kuntento.....gusto ko pa talaga sya kasama.......Sa tabi ng store...meron ako nakita computer shop...nagpasama pa ulit ako dun....hmm...pumayag pa rin naman sya...Nag net ako...youtube..,fb..,habang sya...nakaupo lang sa tabi ko.....Iba na pakiramdam ko noon....hindi na ako naiilang kasama sya....sinandal nya yung ulo nya sa balikat ko...hindi na nya talaga kaya...sobrang sama na tlaga ng pakiramdam nya...hmm...Nag request sya ng two songs na ise-search ko....after nya mapakinggan yung song....binigay nya saken yung headset...para pakinggan ko yung songs....Ewan ko ba...,feeling ko song nya yun para saken....then...after an hour...nag-out na ako...nag-promise kasi ako sa kanya na one hour lang ako mag-nenet...Gusto ko sana maglakad pauwi....pero hindi nya ko pinayagan.........pinilit nya na mag-tric na lang ako pauwi samen......nagtalo pa kame about dun....pero sya pa rin ang nasunod...ikinuha nya ko ng tricycle kahit ayaw ko......nagtampo ako sa kanya nun....kinakausap pa nya ako....pero hindi ko sya pinansin....sumakay na ako ng tric.....at iniwan sya mag-isa......Gusto ko pa kasi sya kasama....pero alam ko mali din ako...kasi hindi na talaga nya kaya.......after that day....away.............away................puro away na ang sunod.......until November 2, 2010....iniwan na nya ako...nakipagbreak sya saken......para daw matuto ako at magbago.....hindi ko matanggap na iniwan na nya ako.....wala na ko nare-receive na text messages galing sa kanya....hindi nya rin sinasagot mga tawag ko......November 11, 2010....sa wakas nagtext na sya saken.....pero hindi ko ine-expect na ganito an sasabihin nya........."pinalaya na kita...sawa na ako sa ugali mo....tigilan mu na ako......ako naman ang palayain mo....please...." gumuho ang mundo ko....wala na akong nagawa kundi ang umiyak........kasalanan ko din kasi...ang tanga tanga ko..,pinabayaan ko lang mawala ang taong nagmahal sa akin ng sobra...wala na pag-asa bumalik pa sya.........kaya pala kakaiba ang saya ko nung araw na yun....yun na pala yun huling araw na makakasama ko sya....at yun na din pala yung magiging pinakamalungkot na araw sa buhay ko........pero thankful pa rin ako kay God na binigyan nya ko ng isang tulad ni joh sa buhay ko...kahit saglit lang yung mga panahon na nakasama ko sya.........

-neh"

all about Me . . all about LOVE . . all about YOU . .

. . why do you have to leave me .?? why does it have to be this way .??

. . . . " how could I be alone.? ? ....when all I think of is YOU . . how could I be in pain ?? ...when all the love we shared is true . . . how could I have these feelings.?? ...when I know that YOU are the reason for me being here . . . how can I suffer.? ? when all I can think about  are happy thoughts of YOU . . . how can all these be true. ?? ... when all that you left me are memories of YOU . . . how could I live.? ? ...when the very essence of YOU is no more . . . how could I survive.??
...now that your gone . . . . . .I need you joh . . . . . . . .
I need you . . . . . now and forever . . . .  "

. . . I'm still hoping . . . . . that someday . . . , you'll come back again . . . . . . .  I LOVE YOU JOH . . . . .



-neh"

bakit pa.??

"..ang pag-ibig ay masarap pakinggan at paniwalaan...pero kung hindi mo naman kayang panindigan wag mu na lang umpisahan......para wala ng masaktan......."

...bakit pa nga ba kailangan kitang makilala...kung hindi naman pala tayo ang para sa isa't - isa...anu ba yun reason nya para pagtagpuin pa tayong dalawa.?? until now..,hinahanap ko pa rin ang mga sagot sa tanong kong ito...bakit ba kasi ako naniwala..?? ....sa mga pangako.... pangako........na hindi naman pala totoo... oO..,I admit na may mali din ako... pero hindi yun sapat na dahilan para iwan mo ko ng ganito.... Pagod na ko... ganito pala kasakit ang magmahal ng taong hindi na-appreciate yun mga nagawa at sacrifices ko... .

...sana matapos na lahat ng sakit at hirap na nararamdaman ko para sayo... .

...sayang......hindi ko makita kung gaano ka kasaya ngayon.....ayoko na rin naman makita ka.....pero alam ko..,hindi naman maiiwasan yun e..,alam ko..dadating din yung araw na magkikita at magkikita pa rin tayo......at kun dumating man yung time na yun......sisiguraduhin kong tapos na ako...na nagbago na ako...na lahat sa akin ay nagbago........pati ang pagmamahal ko sayo....hanggang ngayon masakit pa rin sakin ang lahat...pero gagawin ko lahat lahat....mawala lang ang sakit na nararamdaman ko....

...pero salamat na rin sayo......kasi iniwan mo ako....atleast hindi na nagtagal pa ang lahat ng kalokohan na ito.. .salamat sayo joh.......salamat......"

-neh",)

he left me.. .

someone always sayin goodbye.. .

  ...you left me... .

     I've been through so much pain since you left me...I just can't convince myself we're through things have been said and done.., I guess it's over now that you're gone............

     It's true when they say that lovers come and go...,but deep in my heart.. . I just wanna let you know...........the love that we once shared is everything..that there's nothing to compare.........'coz I'm missing you so bad.......now that you're not by my side..,
I guess you could say it's me..,who's hurting so bad after all this time.......After all that we've been through....joh..,aren't you hurtin' too.?? now that I've lost the power to pretend....
I guess you could see right through me....This yearnin' I can't explain...feeling I just cannot contain.......I know someday I'll get over you joh........
It just takes time and I hope someday...I forget you.....all my memories of you... .

 i missed you so much joh... . ='(

-nheL <3